Thursday, April 2, 2015

Silly Things that People Ask Writers

I have one of those situations where someone has a favor to ask of me. A lot like when you own a pickup truck and every time you turn around, your Prius driving ‘friends’ want you to help them move. 99% of the time, they’re bitching about the HUGE environmental impact your gas guzzling hog is having, but when they need your help, they’re all sweet and complimenting your manly truck. And you know damn well, after that last box leaves the bed of your truck, they’ll be back to insulting your fuel injected stud machine.

Where was I going with this…oh yeah…friends asking for favors. There’s this particular painful thorn in my side by the name of Starr. She’s got this crazy idea to start her own business. And I’ve agreed to allow her to guest post on my bottom dwelling blog to drum up interest. In all honesty, I can’t blame a girl for striking out on her own and having a go at proprietorship. Hell, it’s what our country was founded on. Well, that and religious freedom and freedom of speech. It’s all about the freedom, baby. And if owning her own business gives her the freedom not to be under the thumb of “The Man,” I’m all for supporting her cause. So, on to the non-paid advertisement.

* * * *

Friday, February 20, 2015

Seven Questions for Seven Bloggers

What happens when you mix a little bit of boredom and a triple Crown & Coke on a Friday night?

Thankfully, this time, it didn’t result in waking up in the back seat of a strange car and pushing off a sweaty, smelly, sex crazed MJ. Instead, the little writer voice sharing space with my grey matter thought it would be a great idea to ask seven incredibly talented bloggers (well, the ones that still talk to me, anyway) a bunch of questions.

And before you bitch that there are eight bloggers answering, we’ll call Phil the bonus, because he always brings a little something extra to the party.

Now on to the mayhem. And if you enjoyed their answers, please hop on over to their various blogs. And if you really want to show them some love in a stalker kinda way, follow them on twitter and Facebook. How do you think I found them?

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Why it's taking me 10 years to write a single manuscript. Or, a day in the life of a writer.

Sat down to write.
Collin wanted water.
Guess I better take a shower and get dressed.
Sat back down and opened up Scrivener.
Collin wanted a snack.
That reminded me it was lunch time and I was hungry too.
Made lunch.
Fed me and the kid.
Sat back down, opened Scrivener and pulled up the manuscript.
Collin needed to be changed.
My ass ALMOST made contact with the sofa.
Collin wanted more water.
Refilled my iced tea.
Miked called, lost service, called again. 
Repeat three times. 
Remembered I needed my notebook. 
Collin wanted hugs and loves. 
Forgot to get my notebook. 
Got back up to go find my notebook and got sidetracked by a potty break. 
Noticed I had a stack of mail that I needed to go through. 
Oh, last Sunday's newspaper - better get the coupons out and toss the rest. 
Had to call Mike to ask him a question. 
More water. 
Another pull up change. 
More tea. 
Holy crap, where did eight hours go? 
At this rate, my manuscript will be finished by my grand-kids.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Insane Asylum: “Racism”

The Insane Asylum: “Racism”: With all the recent events that have unfolded lately spotlighting the issue of racism in our society I thought it only proper that we spe...

Monday, September 22, 2014

One Of the Coolest Things I've Seen In Awhile.

I found this utterly fascinating! Wish I had that kind of talent. I can't even build a Lego house. What's the coolest thing you've ever built with Legos?

Post by El Circo.

#legos  #guns #buildingwithlegos

Friday, August 15, 2014

Hate Me Because Of Who I Am, Not Because I’m White.

Photo "End Racism" by
Image courtesy of Victor Habbik /
I am a 40 something white female. I mind my own business. I try to ignore your loud music vibrating through my apartment walls all day long, until a minute before the law says you are now disturbing the peace. I have never done anything to you. Yet, you hate me. You slash my tires. You bend the antenna on my truck. You glare at me when I walk by. You park your Chrysler 300 in my assigned parking spot, knowing I’ll have a hard time finding a place to park so my special needs son and I will have to walk further to our front door.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

An Open Letter To Karma
Dear Karma,

I’m not sure what I did earlier in this life or in one of my past lives to piss you off, but you suck. Every time I think I’m starting to make a little progress (and I’m not even hoping for ‘getting ahead of the game’ status), you come along and kick the ladder out from under me. And that ladder is perched over a tall, scary cliff that ends in a pool of hungry crocodiles and (wo)man eating swamp rats. All surrounded by poison ivy and crazy, navigationally challenged fruit bats. This is your equivalent to the nine levels of hell with a Disney twist, isn’t it?

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Pole Dancing & Writing Advice

I got a little jealous watching all these asshole awesome bloggers doing guest posts on other asshole awesome blogs. So, I stalked my favorite blogger, showed him a couple of pictures I took of him and an innocent goat behind closed doors and threatened to show them to his momma. He was suddenly VERY interested in having me quest post.

So, I pooped out a mediocre post about my favorite subject: shitty bloggers that don't know their anal opening from a whole in the ground and shoved it in MJ's thong. He obediently posted it on his blog and is currently cowering in the corner until I put away the whip and handcuffs.

If you're interested in reading it, follow this little linky-poo thing and get your rocks off. Don't forget to leave a comment. I promise I'll respond, but I can't guarantee it won't hurt.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Ten Things to Avoid When Flying

I want to welcome a very special guest blogger to Asshat Rants. She's been MIA for awhile. I heard rumors of a covert ops somewhere in an undisclosed location. Thankfully, she made it back in one or more pieces and is back to writing. To celebrate, she's doing a blog tour. And we're lucky enough to be destination B on her way to CrazyVille. Please welcome the non-sparkly Starr Bryson! [Cue applause sign]

Recently, I went home to Tucson to be with my Dad when his health was failing, as well as spend time with my family and friends.  I work from home and the Tinys were with their father, so I was able to spend three weeks back home. 

Those stories are for another day. 

Tucson is approximately 2200 miles from where I live in Pittsburgh.  I made that drive twice in the last year.  Again, stories for another day.  I didn’t want to drive it this time, so I flew.

The flight from PA to Arizona went smoothly without a hitch.  The flight back home was the flight from hell, an experience I never wish to live again.  (Except for those two hours in P.F. Chang’s- but that’s also a story for another day.)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Special Needs = Special Targets; The Bullying No One Talks About

Some of my long time readers may know that I am a parent to a special needs kid. My son is a happy, healthy, very active, 7 year old ‘all boy’ kinda kid. He is also non-verbal and on the autism spectrum. Because he’s non-verbal, some people like to take advantage of it, thinking he can’t tell on them if they’re mean to him or if he sees them being mean to other kids. WRONG!