Thursday, April 2, 2015

Silly Things that People Ask Writers

I have one of those situations where someone has a favor to ask of me. A lot like when you own a pickup truck and every time you turn around, your Prius driving ‘friends’ want you to help them move. 99% of the time, they’re bitching about the HUGE environmental impact your gas guzzling hog is having, but when they need your help, they’re all sweet and complimenting your manly truck. And you know damn well, after that last box leaves the bed of your truck, they’ll be back to insulting your fuel injected stud machine.

Where was I going with this…oh yeah…friends asking for favors. There’s this particular painful thorn in my side by the name of Starr. She’s got this crazy idea to start her own business. And I’ve agreed to allow her to guest post on my bottom dwelling blog to drum up interest. In all honesty, I can’t blame a girl for striking out on her own and having a go at proprietorship. Hell, it’s what our country was founded on. Well, that and religious freedom and freedom of speech. It’s all about the freedom, baby. And if owning her own business gives her the freedom not to be under the thumb of “The Man,” I’m all for supporting her cause. So, on to the non-paid advertisement.

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As both a writer and a freelancer, explaining exactly what I do to people can be quite the daunting task.  When I say that I’m either of those two titles I’m met with confused looks and a whole slew of questions. Sometimes, I think it would just be easier to lie when I’m asked that loaded question, “What do you do for a living?” 

In my years as a freelancer I’ve written everything from instructional guides for kitchen appliances to short stories for erotic magazines.  I’ve ghost written e-books on Social Media, romance novellas, and even mysteries.  I’ve penned the synopses of movies and books, the jackets to novels, and even restaurant menus.   I’ve crafted sponsored blog posts, articles on insomnia and woman’s health, essays on grief, and entertainment pieces.  I’ve created the content for dozens of websites, and was the author of many sales copy ads.

It’s pretty much this game of, “If you name, I’ve probably written it.”  However, explaining this to folks is really hard, especially anyone that’s never been in our world.  When you say, “writer,” I think the image that immediately springs to mind is of famous authors and newspaper journalists, and anything else is too foreign to accept.

I’m going to share some of the questions that I hear most often followed by the smart ass answers I would so love to respond with. . . but never do.

Are you published?
I have several books out under a pen name.   I can’t tell you what name I used, or the title of the book.  Witness Protection Rules and all that . . . .

Are you famous?
Yes, I’m an internet celebrity.

Do you know so and so?
Yes!  I do know so and so. In fact, I had lunch with him just last week.  

Have you written anything I might have read?
Do you read smut?  I write a lot of porn.

How much money do you make?
At last count the pile of Bens in my bed accumulated to just shy of 2 million.  But I roll around in it naked, so some of it might have gotten lost in the fray.


Money?  I could be making money at this?  And here I am living in a box under the bridge, doing all of my writing at the library after showering in their sink. 

How do you make ends meet?
The same was as anyone else with a job, I would assume.  Doesn’t everyone put all of their bills in a hat and draw one lucky winner each month?

Why would you do that?
Why do I work from home?  I get to work naked if I want to.  Can you do that?

Why do I write?  A long time ago I joined the secret society of writers, that’s where I met so and so by the way, and I took the Writer Vows.  They’re binding for life. 

Pause for dramatic effect.

You.  Can. Never.  Leave.   

While the world at large will never truly understand writers, we can at least draw comfort from one another.  Other writers will always understand our own special brand of crazy, why we do what we do, and how we do it.

I am a big fan of those authors who are brave enough to self-publish their books and toss them out into the big, bad world.  It’s scary enough to write a thing, but to make it available to the entire world without an agent, editor, or publishing house behind you – that takes an insane amount of strength and courage that I truly admire.

I’ve been freelancing a few gigs here and there to help indie authors promote their books through blog tours and social media, and I love it so much I’m staring up a business.  I want to help more self-published authors promote their books so they can reach larger audiences, but at affordable rates that are reasonable for an indie author.

As a writer myself, I’m not exactly rich, so I have launched an Indieogogo campaign to crowdfund for the project.  You can read the entire story behind the business by visiting the Starry Knight Word Slayers Campaign.  Every little bit helps, even if you can’t donate money to the cause, we love shares. 

And don’t forget, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get all the latest updates on the campaign and the inevitable launch of the business.
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Starr works from her home in Pittsburgh as a freelance writer.  Her professional work includes editing, Social Media marketing and management, ghost writing, content management and SEO for websites, entertainment journalism, and book promotion for self-published authors.  In the past, she has taught classes at writers’ conferences in Pittsburgh about freelancing as a career and the best practices for blogging and social media.  

Starr’s creative writing ranges from humor laced snarkfests, gritty and painfully raw non-fiction all the way to the dark world of Erotica. The author behind The Insomniac's Dream, she claims blogging was only the beginning of an amazing freelancing career.

In her spare time, Starr writes fiction and is working on a paranormal novel and companion serial.  In addition, she writes short stories and manages a local writing group.  When she’s not writing, Starr is kept busy by her two hilarious and fantastically disgusting boys.

 Starr enjoys adult grape juice, reading in her non-existent spare time, the occasional Netflix binge, and connecting with other writers and her readers.  She loves Halloween, Zombies, and all things horror. She aspires to be a Vampire someday. 

Her claim to fame is her caustic wit, copious swears, and an ongoing battle with insomnia.  You can catch up with Starr on her blog, Facebook, and Twitter.  You can see what Starr has published by visiting her Amazon Author Page.


  1. I'm not sure if it was courage that fueled my ability to throw my e-books out into the big bad world or simply a belief that nobody would read them anyway.

    1. John, at least you did it, regardless of the drive. :D You should be proud of that. I'm still fighting my inner demons to get one finished.

    2. Exactly what Terrye said. You DID it, what most of us are still striving for. You deserve applause. And cookies.

  2. Replies
    1. Chris, I haven't seen you in forever!

    2. I kidnapped him and I'm holding him in my basement, forcing him to write web content for peanuts. ;)

    3. I tried to like Terrye's comment. I need a Facebook intervention.

  3. That's about a pretty perfect summary. Rooting for you, Starr!

  4. I like to take bills and play hide and seek with them. So far, none of them have found me.

    1. Who the hell is this Bill guy, anyway?

    2. Some annoying ass clown always holding his hand out for my money.

  5. So much hotness in one blog. Starr and Terrye together in one place? Sexy bomb! I need a cold shower after reading this now.

    1. And now we have a hot stud...I see a sex sandwich in your future. ;)

    2. Sex, sandwiches, and Phil all in one place!