Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Insane Asylum: “Racism”

The Insane Asylum: “Racism”: With all the recent events that have unfolded lately spotlighting the issue of racism in our society I thought it only proper that we spe...

Monday, September 22, 2014

One Of the Coolest Things I've Seen In Awhile.

I found this utterly fascinating! Wish I had that kind of talent. I can't even build a Lego house. What's the coolest thing you've ever built with Legos?

Post by El Circo.

#legos  #guns #buildingwithlegos

Friday, August 15, 2014

Hate Me Because Of Who I Am, Not Because I’m White.

Photo "End Racism" by
Image courtesy of Victor Habbik /
I am a 40 something white female. I mind my own business. I try to ignore your loud music vibrating through my apartment walls all day long, until a minute before the law says you are now disturbing the peace. I have never done anything to you. Yet, you hate me. You slash my tires. You bend the antenna on my truck. You glare at me when I walk by. You park your Chrysler 300 in my assigned parking spot, knowing I’ll have a hard time finding a place to park so my special needs son and I will have to walk further to our front door.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

An Open Letter To Karma
Dear Karma,

I’m not sure what I did earlier in this life or in one of my past lives to piss you off, but you suck. Every time I think I’m starting to make a little progress (and I’m not even hoping for ‘getting ahead of the game’ status), you come along and kick the ladder out from under me. And that ladder is perched over a tall, scary cliff that ends in a pool of hungry crocodiles and (wo)man eating swamp rats. All surrounded by poison ivy and crazy, navigationally challenged fruit bats. This is your equivalent to the nine levels of hell with a Disney twist, isn’t it?

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Pole Dancing & Writing Advice

I got a little jealous watching all these asshole awesome bloggers doing guest posts on other asshole awesome blogs. So, I stalked my favorite blogger, showed him a couple of pictures I took of him and an innocent goat behind closed doors and threatened to show them to his momma. He was suddenly VERY interested in having me quest post.

So, I pooped out a mediocre post about my favorite subject: shitty bloggers that don't know their anal opening from a whole in the ground and shoved it in MJ's thong. He obediently posted it on his blog and is currently cowering in the corner until I put away the whip and handcuffs.

If you're interested in reading it, follow this little linky-poo thing and get your rocks off. Don't forget to leave a comment. I promise I'll respond, but I can't guarantee it won't hurt.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Ten Things to Avoid When Flying

I want to welcome a very special guest blogger to Asshat Rants. She's been MIA for awhile. I heard rumors of a covert ops somewhere in an undisclosed location. Thankfully, she made it back in one or more pieces and is back to writing. To celebrate, she's doing a blog tour. And we're lucky enough to be destination B on her way to CrazyVille. Please welcome the non-sparkly Starr Bryson! [Cue applause sign]

Recently, I went home to Tucson to be with my Dad when his health was failing, as well as spend time with my family and friends.  I work from home and the Tinys were with their father, so I was able to spend three weeks back home. 

Those stories are for another day. 

Tucson is approximately 2200 miles from where I live in Pittsburgh.  I made that drive twice in the last year.  Again, stories for another day.  I didn’t want to drive it this time, so I flew.

The flight from PA to Arizona went smoothly without a hitch.  The flight back home was the flight from hell, an experience I never wish to live again.  (Except for those two hours in P.F. Chang’s- but that’s also a story for another day.)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Special Needs = Special Targets; The Bullying No One Talks About

Some of my long time readers may know that I am a parent to a special needs kid. My son is a happy, healthy, very active, 7 year old ‘all boy’ kinda kid. He is also non-verbal and on the autism spectrum. Because he’s non-verbal, some people like to take advantage of it, thinking he can’t tell on them if they’re mean to him or if he sees them being mean to other kids. WRONG!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Who Do You Have to Sleep With?

I have a friend, we’ll call him “MJ.” He’s been blogging his broke, white ass off since the day I sat on him and forced him to or face a number of broken body parts. And he has complied. In fact, I think he’s become addicted to it. Either that, or he just likes all the vile threats I reap upon him when he becomes stagnate in his writing. I hear some guys are into that kinda stuff.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Why Some Bloggers Become Bloggers

Used by permission from
I’ve had a love/hate relationship with writing for more years than I can count. But it was a comfortable association because it was just between the two of us. Until I discovered blogging. Then it got a whole lot more complicated. Suddenly, it was out there for the whole world to see. Not that many people ever stumbled onto my blog, but that’s their loss.

Much like a fugly guy that finds out there are actually TWO women in the world wanting to sleep with him, I eagerly embraced blogging while placating the writing. How’s the ugly one going to say no? He can’t because that would be giving up his two chances of having sex before he faces the big “FIN” at the end of his life’s movie. I couldn’t say no to blogging or writing. They each filled a need that the other one couldn’t fill.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

$15 An Hour Minimum Wage, My Ass!

I can understand wanting to make a livable wage. What I can’t understand are fuck ups wanting to get $15/hour to make me a hamburger when they can’t even get the damn order right when they’re making $8/hour! Seriously, if you want a pay raise, you really need to prove you’ve earned it. That’s how it works in the real world. Wake the fuck up and stop expecting people to hand you shit just because you want it. This ‘entitlement’ mentality really needs to be flushed with the rest of the stinky shit.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Bad Drivers

If you've spent any time at all behind the wheel of a vehicle, I’m sure you’ve run into a bad driver or two. Some of these drivers act like they're the only ones on the planet. Others think because they drive a certain make or model, it automatically entitles them to act like they also bought the rights to the road. Then there are the ones that seem to be deathly afraid to get out of the fast lane while going 10 miles under the posted speed limit. UGH!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Adventures of Crack Whores

It is my wonderful pleasure to have my very first guest post by the funny, mysterious, bug hunting David Stillwell. When I introduced him to my new blog idea, he jumped at the chance to share one of his funny rants. I think you'll agree - Crack Whores are worth ranting about. And laughing at.

The Adventures of Crack Whores
Sacramento, Ca is not just the capital of California it happens to be where I live. I am not sure why I live here, maybe this is just where the truck ran out of gas and I have just never moved on from here. I live in a four unit apartment building on a street that is full of nice, well-to-do white people. You know the sort, happy little families with smiling kids and sidewalk chalk. That is except for the tenants in unit number 2, which happen to be dead beat, white, vampire types who snort lines of coke (not the soda) off of a behind the door Walmart mirror. You know the kind I mean. It is four feet tall and one foot wide.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Bill Collectors

There is nothing I love more than being woken up before the asscrack of dawn by a telephone ringing. Especially when the asshat on the other end of the line is a bill collector. And it’s not even MY bill.

No matter how many times I’ve explained that Maria Consuela Espinoza Hernandez (name changed to protect the deadbeat that is giving out my number knowing they aren’t going to pay their bills in the first place) is not at this number, they still don’t get it. Not even when I repeatedly ask to have my number removed from their call list. Or the times I’ve promised I would hunt them down and shove my phone up their ass so they could enjoy the calls almost as much as I do.