Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Why Some Bloggers Become Bloggers



Used by permission from
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
I’ve had a love/hate relationship with writing for more years than I can count. But it was a comfortable association because it was just between the two of us. Until I discovered blogging. Then it got a whole lot more complicated. Suddenly, it was out there for the whole world to see. Not that many people ever stumbled onto my blog, but that’s their loss.

Much like a fugly guy that finds out there are actually TWO women in the world wanting to sleep with him, I eagerly embraced blogging while placating the writing. How’s the ugly one going to say no? He can’t because that would be giving up his two chances of having sex before he faces the big “FIN” at the end of his life’s movie. I couldn’t say no to blogging or writing. They each filled a need that the other one couldn’t fill.

For several years, I cheated on writing with blogging. Some people don’t see the difference, but there ARE differences. Not all writers are bloggers. And there are many, many, MANY bloggers that will never be writers. Not even if you shoved a dictionary and a thesaurus up their ass while lecturing them on sentence structure and verb versus adverb.

I yearned to connect with other bloggers. And I did. Some were amazing human beings and we struck up wonderful friendships. Others, well, they can rot in a fiery pit as the hounds of hell munch on their charred bones.

I started to notice that there were a vast number of blogger types, but the ones that annoyed me and stuck out were: 

1. No Friends. These are the poor, lost souls that have always been alone. They were ignored in school and always had to eat lunch by themselves because everyone conveniently scooted over to make it look like there wasn’t any room at the table for their pathetic lameness. I wouldn’t know about that, I was usually eating lunch in the school’s newspaper office or at my desk in the JROTC office (where I was a company commander). I was an out of placed nerd even in the nerd community. 

2. Wannabe Writers. I don’t think there is a person on this planet, even in the back woods of Alabama or the jungles of Africa, that hasn’t read a blog so horrible that they wished they could reach through the screen and slap the sorry ass that wrote it. We want those moments back that we wasted on your sorry excuse for a blog. Shame on you for the butchering of language. And you should be arrested and flogged for the abuse of innocent words. They were there for you and you killed them! Do you kick puppies for fun?

3. Get Rich Quick. I don’t know what glittery farts they’ve been sniffing, but getting rich by blogging is about as rare as the unicorn those farts came from. You gotta suck a lot of blog [bleep] to make it in the blogosphere and most of the bloggers around these parts would rather eat ramen noodles three times a day than be a blog-ho. Well, mostly. I could name names, but I’m keeping my little black book (and accompanying explicit photos) for future blackmailing purposes. I know who you are and what you did last post.

4. Desperately Needs to Get Laid. Also known as attention whores. These are the worst. They blog to fill some empty void in their lives. I don’t know if they feel like their spouse, kids (or lack thereof), friends, fur babies (grow up, they're freaking animals, not offspring!), neighbors, drug dealer on the corner, etc. are ignoring them, but they blog to draw attention to themselves. So, they rush around to every blog under the sun and blow happy horseshit up the blogger’s skirt in hopes that the blogger will return the favor and crap a comment on their wretched little blog. Until the day comes that they’ve kissed so much ass that they start to believe they now walk on water. Truth be told, most of those other bloggers are only doing it out of guilt of the ‘blogger’s code.’ (Blogger’s code is to return the comment favor or risk being marked as a snobby biznitch).

Once these bloggers reach that point, they look down on all other bloggers with despise like one would look at a grimy beggar asking for a dollar. And heaven help you if you should disagree with them or call them out either on purpose or inadvertently (they also tend to be slightly paranoid). They get all butt hurt at the drop of a hat and rally the battle cry to all other bloggers to defend their honor and attack the honest blogger. It’s a blogger eat blogger world out there, my friend, and some of us are wearing strawberry flavored edible undies. 

After I was exposed to the vile underbelly of blogging, I took a long, hard look at the reason I was blogging. Then I poured myself a triple Crown’n’Coke and gave it the one finger salute.  Then I swallowed my pride, crawled back to writing and apologized for all I was worth. It was degrading. It was liberating. But it was worth it. My fans hated me for a whole minutes (I’m being generous with the time), but they got over it. Now I’m off to bigger and better. And they can still get their addictions filled, but now it’s gonna cost them $2.99.

#blogging #fakes #furbabies #assholes #edibleundies #getrichquick #patheticlosers

32 comments:

  1. You've said it all - this couldn't be more perfect or point on.

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    1. I could have gone into all the good, honest bloggers, but we appreciate those types. ;) And thank you, my friend!

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  2. I guess I might fit the last one.

    I have been told I am an attention whore but in reality, from my perspective I love people, I love promoting people, I never turn anyone down for a duet, and it isn't the attention I love...it is the sense of community.

    I have been called narcissistic because I post pics of myself all over my blog. Anyone who follows my blog understand why I do but I guess what I am trying to say is people have a right to blog. Whether for money or for attention or for support, or for a way to vent (as in this post here). While I agree with Bryson that this was a well written post from the perspective of someone who is maybe sick of reading certain blogs.

    I agree not all writers are bloggers and not all bloggers are writers. I think there are snobby writers and snobby bloggers...it's just part of normal social science. I am not a writer but I am a very proud blogger.

    I may not agree with your perspective but I appreciate the passion it was written with and can't help but believe this post was extremely personal for you...

    "Once these bloggers reach that point, they look down on all other bloggers with despise like one would look at a grimy beggar asking for a dollar. And heaven help you if you should disagree with them or call them out either on purpose or inadvertently (they also tend to be slightly paranoid). They get all butt hurt at the drop of a hat and rally the battle cry to all other bloggers to defend their honor and attack the honest blogger. It’s a blogger eat blogger world out there, my friend, and some of us are wearing strawberry flavored edible undies."

    Mean girls don't have to be part of a group to be mean.

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    1. I think what you missed was that I said there are MANY types of bloggers but the ones that stuck out where the 4 I pointed out because they irk me so much. I have a large circle of blogging friends that are NONE of the above and I adore them passionately.

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    2. No I got it. I am sorry they irk you, lots of things irk me too. As I said before you are clearly passionate about what irks you. lol

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    3. Gotcha! :D If I'm not passionate about something, I don't find the motivation to write about it. I'm hoping my passion helps me to sell some books. :D

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  3. Jeez - I hope you weren't alluding to me in any of those! It is good to see you back blogging. Rants and all.

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    1. Phil, my pantless friend, you are all of those and more. ;) Blogging once in a great while. When the rant strikes.

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  4. I totally fall under category 4...and not just when it comes to blogging.

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    1. I can totally see that. :D You missed your true career calling: male prostitute! :D

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    2. I so wish I could be a male prostitute...that would be frigging awesome.

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    3. What's stopping ya? :D Do we need to start a crowdfunding project to send you to prostitution school?

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  5. This one of your best yet, and so appropriately on time - as only the great Terrye can do. Thank you for being you, defending all bloggers' and writers' honor and telling it like it is!

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    1. I used to pick on mommy bloggers but it goes much deeper than that. If I weren't me, who would I be? :D

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  6. I think I may be #4...and #1. Well, damn.

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    1. Don't feel bad, I think we're all at least one of them once in awhile. ;)

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  7. Yikers, Terrye. Tell us how you really feel!

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    1. Heya, Julie! Oh trust me, I will. That's why I created a 'rant' blog. ;)

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  8. Nicely explained, TT. Good luck with your writing. I'm saving up $2.99 for your next work. :)

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    1. Oh, my dear friend, John. With the millions of pesos you're going to earn on your wonderful book, you'll have that in your pocket in a matter of decades. ;) Honestly, I loved your book. And I appreciate your support!

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  9. I loved the blog post and I am trying not to think about where I fall in the categories. You are always so funny!!

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    1. Thank you, Betty. And I doubt that you fall into any of those categories. You are a wonderful person, writer, and all around super hero. :D

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  10. Great stuff, Terrye, delivered in your inimitable style.

    It got me thinking. My conclusion? I'm a sad Billy-no-mates, with a delusion of imminent fame, and desperately searching for a shag!

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    1. Thank you, my nutty friend! And don't you DARE change because we love you JUST the way you are. Well, except when you're naked. Then we'll just wait out in the hall 'til you're done. ;)

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  11. You have just made it to the top of my blogging list. My GAWD! A woman (yes I am being totally sexist here) who writes words like ass, and fart, but does so eloquently to prove her point and add the correct adverbs to properly describe what she is getting at.

    How in the name of all that's holy have I missed your blog? How long have you been blogging? Are you telling me that I have been swimming through the muck of mommy bloggers and crocheting in 5 easy steps and just now I have found you?

    You have justified my reason for blogging. You have re-inspired me. I feel a boob post coming on, on my blog....

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    1. LMAO!!!! Thank you for stroking my already overly inflated ego. :D I've been blogging since 2010, but on a different blog that I finally parked a bus on and walked off. (misplacedalaskan.com - which has, for some reason, been picked up by a chinese blogger *shrug*).

      Boob post you say? This I may have to dismount my high horse for. :D

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  12. After those four categories of blogger, what's blooming left?

    I'm sure I'm at least two of them. I'm not hung up on it though. I like it.

    Perhaps you've given it all very negative packaging but then we all have our different points of views. Your one was delivered with the subtle courtesy of a sledgehammer.

    I think, secretly, you are all of these blog types enjoying the adulation of so many number fours (on your list) who still want to lick such brazen buttocks. Dashed well done and good luck to you – it’s working wonderfully well.

    Oooops, am I a number four too... :)

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    1. Hello, Colin! (My son's name is Collin - I like you already!) If you own the category you find yourself in and don't try to pretend to be something else, I salute you! It's the fake bitches that swear they're all angelic when the devil is raging to get out.

      I don't think I've ever been accused of brandishing a sledgehammer before. I have been told that I tell the truth, painfully. I don't like to hide behind flowery words or pretend to say one thing while actually meaning another. Get to the friggin point already!

      As for what category I fall in, I have a few, very close friends that I would stop a bullet for and I like it that way. If you are trying to tell me that you don't think I'm a writer, let me simply say "Fuck You." On to the "get rich quick," you are barking up the wrong tree, as my pitiful bank account can attest to. And finally, the fourth and final category; "Desperately needs to get laid." I'm married to a smokin' hot cowboy that I have to beat with a stick nightly to keep him from pawing me as soon as he gets home. I get laid as often as I want, which usually starts with, "Honey, I need...."

      And I only wish it was working out well, this blogging shit sucks big donkey d*cks.

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  13. I sat alone at lunch.
    Sometimes because so-called peers didn't leave me a choice, inflicting their insecurities on the entire lunchroom.
    Sometimes I chose to sit alone, but I wasn't really alone. The stories in my mind were far better company than the alternative.

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    1. I often sat alone by choice so I could escape into my own worlds. And, I agree, the company was usually better. But I did find some like minded individuals that shared the same situation and loves that I did (writing). And I'm still friends with them even after *coughcough* years.

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  14. Ok ,I did what a rather famous author on the internet told me to do and read others blogs,wow Wonder if this one was one of them? I did blog for a short time not knowing anything about by computer.At 65 I wrote by pen and paper countless stories that weigh at least 25 pounds of all kinds of stories ,just out of surgery and had a lot of time on my hands with no technology(the easy way)One day I will edit them all and redo the tapes (not DVD's) ,the books on tapes back in 93 ,don't know if they exsisted but don't really care.The ones that read my work liked them ,but time passed and here I was doing this blog that did not go any where like my stories that sit in the closet ,I will need to hire a team to help me with all them .All I'm saying is I think people need schooling ,college corse maybe to learn text structure and all it takes to add to the stories content ,advertising etc.It takes money to make money but before I die I do want some students or whatever to get my books published.I like the average language of back in the day so to each his own I guess.

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  15. I tip my hat to you real bloggers...the ones who keep it real even when keeping it real goes wrong. Kudos

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